I think we all want to know what is going to happen in the future. For me, I like to know what might happen so I can either prepare or know what choices I need to make to get to the right destination. I know we are given promptings and feelings that give us some clues about what will be brought to pass. For example, I knew very early on when I got pregnant with my first child that my baby was a boy. I would tell people that I sense a very strong male presence. Funny thing, he is a force to reckon with to this day 8 years later. For some reason I was given that connection to my son Alex before he was even born. I look back and think about that experience and it helps me know that he was sent to me for specific reasons and that Heavenly Father has a great plan. This experience helps me know that there are reasons I am his mother and when things get tough, this knowledge gives me determination and purpose.
I have also been given feelings of warning about events that may occur so I can prepare appropriately. A year before I found out about my ex husband's infidelity, I told him I felt like something really bad was going to happen to our family. I remember sitting down with him to tell him I think we should really prioritize our lives and felt an urgency to do so. I didn't receive exact information about what might happen if we didn't get things in order, but what I sensed would happen if things were not put in order was monumental. And looking back I felt those same warnings probably starting when he became involved with other women behind my back. I remembered crying to him once that I felt like we needed to move to Utah (where all of my family resides), that I felt like my time in Arizona was spent, that I no longer should be there. And I knew nothing about his lies and deceit at the time. I never assumed that the reason I felt like Arizona was finished was because our family would be ending a year later due to his poor choices.
I also prayed about whether I should move to Utah more than a year later after I found out about his infidelity. I knew with 100% confidence after I said that prayer I must leave Arizona. I remember after saying that prayer and receiving confirmation of my choice that the situation I was in was very serious. A couple of weeks later, I had my house packed up and ready to move. It was hard to leave my beautiful home and life behind, but that confirmation I recieved was direction from Heavenly Father about my future. He knew something I didn't know. I put all my trust in Him, even though I was so scared to take that leap of faith, I acted fast. That lesson in and of itself is a lesson that will change my life forever. If I am given a prompting, I better act. His promptings are time sensitive. I found out months later with some court battles that if I left a week too late, I could have been stuck in Arizona and unable to leave. I don't even want to know what would have happened if I didn't listen.
When I found out that the 'other woman' had become pregnant with twins, I was completely ruined. I prayed to my Heavenly Father about my desires to at least try and be a family if only to give it my best attempt regardless of what my ex would choose. I was 6 months pregnant with my daughter when I found out about this pregnancy. I was not sure how I would sustain myself to be healthy and strong. I remember praying to Heavenly Father about the impact these twins lives would have on my own children, regardless of whether my marriage would end or not. I was pained to even imagine how this would cause our children to feel. I asked God to consider my children's well being against the births of the other women's children. I begged for Him to make this all go away. I felt a prompting that I should not spend too much energy on this worry. I remember telling my sister what I felt about the twins, that I was told not to worry. The only explanation at the time I could even think was that maybe she was lying. But she had offered to release the ultrasound to us from the doctor to prove her pregnancy. I didn't feel like she was lying. So I put my pain and worry about those twins on hold. I needed to get through my pregnancy. About a week after my baby was born, the other woman called to tell us her twins were still born. Although that event in and of itself was very sad and only added to the destruction and havoc, I soon understood why I was told to be at peace with it all. My Heavenly Father knew the future.
I have had many other small miracles happen in my life that have helped me be in the right place and right time. I have had promptings that were instrumental in getting me where I need to go. I can say the really good things in my life have happened as a result of paying close attention to my instinct, which I know is God speaking to me. All the tiny choices that resulted in my choice of profession and education began as small promptings. Even particular friends I have met have come as a result of me acting on a suggestion. Some of these friendships have served important purposes in my life and these friends have been exactly what I needed. I do not look at all of these events as pure chance or coincidences. I am who I am today because I have stayed close to the Lord. If there is anything decent or unique about me, it is because he has orchestrated events and experiences in my life to help me be who I am. And I can't help feeling like who I am today or who I am developing into today is to prepare me for where I need to be in the future. I want to get there. I have a feeling that it is important. I am important.
Yesterday I had a woman tell me to ask her anything I wanted to know because she said she has always had a close connection to the other side since she was young. Just to play around, I asked her if I would have another baby. She paused for a moment, and then said, "16 months and it will be a girl." I don't really believe in psychics. And I don't really think I need to, even if they did know something I didn't know. I know everything will happen the way it is suppose to if I pay attention. I forget this a lot. But when I remember everything that has happened in my life, I have always been taken care of. I have always been given direction. All I need to do is continue to submit to Him and trust that He will deliver.
And maybe if I am lucky, I will have that baby girl.
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