I just want to write down some of my thoughts about how grateful I am for all the people who have tried to comfort me during this difficult time. The last time I went through something this difficult I only got through it because of other people and God. I have been able to share my feelings, doubts, fears, dreams, faith and pain with many of my good friends lately. I am indebted to them and their listening ear. Some of those people I want to remember that have been so gracious to me are:
My Bishop: He is a man of service. He is mindful of those around him, including me. He regularly offers to give me blessings and reminds me when I am discouraged that I am a wonderful daughter of God. The other day I said something that made him laugh. I said, "I wish I could just be one of those people that just give up." He said, "Jessica, you won't ever give up because you have too strong of a testimony." I appreciate his feedback. And its true. I won't ever give up.
My home teacher: He always checks in with me to see how I am doing. He is also a good reminder of men that serve faithfully in the Gospel and preside over their families in righteousness. I sometimes think that its a big myth. But his example tells me there are men who are loyal to their covenants and take being a father and a husband very seriously. And he has an extreme love of the Gospel. His understanding of it is inspiring.
Monica: My sister is very similar to me and gets most everything about me. She told me today that I was stronger than her. She said that I do things she would never be able to do. This has mentioned this on a few occasions. I don't realize this about myself, but when I get these messages about myself, it helps me see me in a more realistic way. These comments are very supportive. She is always willing to listen and share her thoughts with me. I feel important when she can listen to all my drama even though it is probably boring.
My mother: My mother has relieved at least 50% of the burden of being a single parent. She helps watch my kids, she cooks wonderful meals for me. She sometimes washes my laundry. I don't think I have ever heard her complain since I moved my 3 children into her home almost 3 years ago. This is Christ-like behavior and I will forever be indebted to her. She was meant to be my mom.
Josefina: This woman would never judge me, despite how retarded I can be. She checks in with me sometimes 3 times a day. I can call her anytime I need her. And when I text,"I need your help!", she calls me back within a few minutes. She helps me feel not so alone. She makes me laugh at the ridiculousness of it all and not take myself so seriously. Tonight she told me when she called me that she looks up to me because I am strong. I appreciate hearing that. I am grateful that I can be an example to other women.
Lindsay: I have known her since I was in 9th grade. We have similar senses of humor. She has had a tough life, but she has maintained her character despite it all. When I talked to her yesterday, she said she wanted to let me know that I am "so good". I laughed and asked her what she meant. She said out of out of everyone she has met in her life, I am one of the most decent people she has known. How kind is that?! I accepted it. I will not take myself for granted. With all the negative bombardment from life, I so appreciate this kind of verbal support. It means so much to me.
Angie: This girl saved my life in Arizona. She was with me every minute basically to get me out of a bad situation. And then she always was very direct about how she saw my ex husband and how he was a "snake" and to never, ever trust him. I relied on her so much the past 3 years. She is direct. She will always be direct with me, even if it hurts. She will always listen to all my stories. The phrase she has repeated to me a dozen times since I have started this single journey is, "You will be just fine". She said if I can survive what Clayton did to me, I can survive anything. I think that is true.
Angela: She is a therapist just like me. Perhaps that is why we get along so well. We met probably 10 years ago. She has been with me throughout many of my trials. She is kind to me. She has wonderful advice. She is an emotionally healthy woman. And she cares about me. She is even coming for a visit in September.
Sonia: I have known Sonia for about 12 years. I touch base with her every few months. Today when I talked with her she told me I needed to get a grip. She said I make her laugh a lot. That is one of the best compliments you can pay me.
Tanya: I have known Tanya for a couple years since I moved here to Utah. We are both divorced, single moms and therapists who have had a bad start with bad marriages and are looking forward to a 2nd chance. She is open with me about her life and her struggles. I appreciate her honesty. She told me that she really values my friendship and talking to me. Thank you.
Kristin: Her and I were hanging out a couple days ago and let me share my feelings about my relationship. She said I did not seem as happy when I was dating Tyson as I was before I got serious with him. I know people will have a lot of things to say after a relationship ends. But I need to hear my friends' honesty. She cared enough about me to tell me. She is married now so I presume I will see less of her, but I appreciate how hard she tries to live the Gospel and be happy despite her difficult divorce. She seems really happy.
Those are just some of the people I have been able to connect with in the last few days. They are a varied group, all with something to offer and teach me. I love people. My connections with others sustain me. I have been praying to receive more opportunities to meet people and socialize. Just the last week since my break up I have been invited to parties, bbq's, concerts, Seven Peaks, and Las Vegas x 2. I am excited for my life to start anew. I remembered where I was after my divorce. I was excited to take part in life and had an optimistic view of the future. I was at peace. I was close to God. I knew I had a lot to learn. I will get back there. And it will probably be even better.
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