A Gift

I attended a fireside (that's where someone is invited to speak at my church about spiritual matters) a few days ago that I really appreciated.  First of all, it started off with beautiful music.  Here is a link of the video of the music.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vwUJ22KvwWY&fb_source=message
I was thankful to be in a place where I could connect with very simple, but powerful feelings.  It's such a generous feeling.  I learn in these places what real beauty is and I promise myself in those moments that I will always try to find ways to consistently surround myself with it. It is like nothing else.  I do believe it is these experiences that I am closest to heaven.  It is these moments, these pure experiences of joy, that push me to fight to try and be a better person.  Tuning in for just a small amount of time gives me a sharper focus on why I am here on Earth and motivates me to find the peace that always provides direction, clarity, and more strength to love myself and others.

Like I said...it is a generous feeling.  It's enough.  It is plentiful.  It really has no bounds (except ofcourse my imperfect self). This feeling I know at the very core of me.  It's a miracle every time.  I have described it before as a booster shot of sorts.  It boosts my capacities and vision for a time to help get me through till the next pit stop.  I am willing to make the inconsequential sacrifices to allow it to be in my life.  I think it is surprising that I can be given these plentiful experiences when I am lacking in so many things.

When I was in college a boyfriend broke up with me unexpectantly and I was in serious emotional discomfort. It was the first time in my life I had been heart broken.  I prayed for comfort.  As soon as I finished the prayer, I felt a calm fill my soul that I do not think I could have completely comprehended at the time.  I felt no fear.   And it was not just an absence of painful feelings that amazed me, but it was the filtration of positive, powerful feelings that poured in and through me.  I went to work that evening and noticed how everything was different in this unfamiliar state.  I felt so much love for everyone.  I couldn't think anything badly about not even one person.  It is through this experience and many like it that I know there is a source that inspires me far beyond my own capacities.

About 15 years ago I wrote down a quote that I loved.  I loved it so much I wrote it down on the front page inside my Franklin Covey day planner I had at the time. I think the writer is saying similar things, but in much better vocabulary. It reads:

An intelligent being, in the image of God, possesses every organ, attribute, sense, sympathy, affection, wisdom, love, power and gift, which is possessed by God Himself.  But these are possessed by man in his rudimental state in a subordinate sense of the word.  Or, in other words, those attributes are in embryo, and are to be gradually developed.  They resemble a bud, a germ, which gradually develops into bloom, and then, by progress, produces the mature fruit after its own kind.  The Gift of the Holy Ghost adapts itself to all these organs and attributes.  It quickens all the intellectual faculties, increases, enlargens, expands, and purifies all the natural passions and affections, and adapts them by the gift of wisdom to their lawful use.  It inspires, develops, cultivates, and matures all the fine-toned sympathies, joys, tastes, kindred feelings, and affections of our nature.  It inspires virtue, kindness, goodness, tenderness, gentleness, and charity.  It develops beauty of person, form and features. It tends to health, vigor, animation, and social feeling.  It develops and invigorates all the faculties of the physical and intellectual man.  It strengthens, invigorates and gives tone to the nerves. In short, it is, as it were, marrow to the bone, joy to the heart, light to the eyes, music to the ears, and life to the whole being

Parley P. Pratt  Key To Theology


It is a gift to me.

Take Care

My grandpa is dying.  His organs are beginning to shut down and his lungs are filled with fluid from an aggressive bout of pneumonia.  I have found myself crying throughout each day for this humble man since I found out about his condition.  I am not really close to him.  Although I have always wished to get to know him better, I have mainly observed him from afar. He takes care of a lot of people.  He sticks to his commitments.  I saw this dedication in the way he took care of his wife for many years as her dementia worsened and eventually ended her life.  She became violent. She was so sick.  And still, he was always right there by her side taking care of her.  He is always helping others, even when he can barely help himself.

I have tremendous respect for him because of the example he has set for myself and others.  I probably have a different perspective on the value of helping others as I have had to rely so much on others these last couple years as a single mom.  I have been taken care of by so many others.  I hope one day I can somehow return the favor.  To give selflessly like I saw my grandpa do so many times before.

I know this man will be going to meet his Maker probably very soon.  I know he will be taken care of just fine in the next life.  I think it is amazing that God promises us that we will all be taken care of by Him as we stay close to Him.  I have said out loud a few times today already as I struggle with the uncertainty of life, "Please take care of me."  As fast as I asked for this, I felt Him all around me.  He sometimes feels more real than everything else in this world.  I appreciated that thought.  I understand more clearly at certain points in my life why it makes so much more sense to trust in Him than all the silly props.