Today while I was driving (this is my quiet time I tend to be taught tiny slivers of truth), I received a serious impression in my mind and heart. I had been praying the last couple days for peace to replace the angst and anger that seem to fill my body after being the recipient of an unending onslaught of painful actions by an also angry person that I have to interact with each week. The impression I felt was that I have been called or placed in this position, which helped me to see this situation as not a mere coincidence or accidental occurrence. If I'm going to be asked to endure any painful state for years and years, without an end in sight, knowing it's not in vain gives me hope. I don't understand the 'why' right now, but the assurance that one day everything will make sense helps me to let go. This truth also helps me to see everything that seems so chaotic, disorganized and unfair as orderly. And in these difficult situations that seem to go on forever, perspective is EVERYTHING. God changes minds. He has changed my mind a little more today.
There is nothing glamorous about being the target of another human being's hostility and self hatred. Often I have felt as if this "opportunity" is more of a cruel curse or huge thorn in my flesh. However, this curse has provided rehearsals for figuring out how to keep my heart soft when all I really want to do is protect it. To beg God and plead with Him to take the anger in my heart and just throw it all away was my prayer. Instead, He has been patiently teaching me how he can do far more than just that with it.
This morning He turned my knotted bitterness into a deep love and compassion for one of His children. To be blessed with the experience of seeing another person, who has been very cruel, through the eyes of a Perfect Being is humbling. My own anger and fear were replaced with a reverence for the sacred purpose of mortality. Like I said, I don't understand everything about this heavy burden, but I do know there is purpose in it. This morning I was able to receive an inkling
of it's purpose in the context of having to cope with another person who is so very hurtful. I know I wouldn't have this peek into the heart of a just and merciful God if it hadn't been for this unchanging, heavy burden. And all I simply did was ask God for help. I asked Him for a peaceful heart. He offered it to me. He offers so many things and the avenues through which he offers His love is not always in the most ideal of circumstances. It's not probably something we would take a picture of and post on Facebook. But given that the lowly path can lead straightway to Christ and His love, I understand better that no experience is beneath us.
What better form of worship is there than allowing God to turn bad experiences into good, or hardened hearts into forgiving receptacles? Or beginning to see the humanity in someone's eyes that you once believed had none. Applying Christ's atonement to situations that by the world's standards may be valued as embarrassing or even shameful, demonstrates His true power. God redeems all from their lost and fallen state. He is the light and the life of the world: yea, a light that is endless, that can not be darkened; yea and also a life which is endless, that there can be no more death. His light can reach any dark alley. These are the miracles that God works on behalf of all mankind. This truth provides ultimate freedom and holds no contest to the small mindedness of a fallen world. To participate in this life as He would have us changes all those rules. And these principles of love and compassion not only apply outward towards others, but applies inward towards ourselves. I believe that we can only see others through the quality of lens we have to see. If it is clouded and broken, then the image being reflected on our eyes will be inaccurate. If God can be the lens, then not only will we see others correctly, but we will begin to see ourselves with compassion and clarity…our weaknesses and strengths.
My hope is that I can continually ask God to resharpen my insights, refocus my priorities and help me to see things as He sees them. I know this is the eternal perspective He desires all of us to have more than anything else. This is the practice of true religion.
