All in a days work!

7:00 a.m  Wake up and get ready for work.  Luckily right now Friday is the only day of the week I have to leave my kids with a sitter all day.

8:00 am  to 3:00 pm  Meet with 7 clients for therapy.  I really, really enjoyed it.  I always feel uplifted and grateful after meeting with my clients.  One of my clients told me today,"People ask me how therapy is going and I say it is so wonderful.  I have learned so much!"  That comment gives me so much joy.  I know I am where I am suppose to be in helping people heal their lives and hearts.  I am so lucky I am able to be used in this capacity.  I don't even have words for how powerful it is for me to serve this way.

5:00 pm  My kids and I went to the school carnival.  They loved winning prizes and playing games.  These kids are intense but they are so lovable.  I still can't believe those 3 persons are mine to raise and teach. That's a big job!

7:00 pm   I met this really nice guy for a 2nd date in Salt Lake City.  We went to grab some sushi to eat and walked around City Creek.

10:00 pm  Halloween dance where I danced and danced to my heart's content.   It was exactly what I needed.

The biggest motivator of all

I had a conversation yesterday with someone who no longer believes in the Gospel.  Part of his argument was that he doesn't want to subscribe to beliefs that boil everything down into either avoiding going to hell or trying to get to heaven.  The main motivation being fear or maybe even reward.  Whatever his argument was, I really thought about it.  I thought about what made me get up in the morning at 6 am today to go to the temple. I thought about what draws me to pray to my Heavenly Father regularly.  Is it fear of going to hell or looking for some great reward like heaven?  I thought about what the motivations behind trying to treat my children well and to try and become a better mother.  I thought about what pushes me to learn more in my career.  And what makes me get up and try and again when I really don't want to anymore.  Is it because I don't want to burn in hell or because I am worried about not getting 40 virgins after I die? ;)

I think the biggest motivator that leads me to change or to try harder or to do better is my love for my Heavenly Father and Savior, Jesus Christ.  I love them so much.  And I think if my measly little heart can connect with that love and as a result create things in my life that are good, it is no wonder that God can move mountains and create an Earth because of His unconditional love.  I realize His true motivation is love for everything He chooses to do.  This thought makes me feel really happy.  This thought helps me trust Him.  I feel connected to Him because I know what it feels like to have so much love for someone who is struggling and want to ease their burdens. That I can see of little of Him in me brings me courage.  It brings me courage to be a better witness for Him.  I want to represent Him the best I can.  I was talking to one of my friends and explained that I would love my life to somehow be a living testament of God's magnificent power.  I am nothing.  And anything that is something great in my life is because of Him.  I have a control group to compare it to.  When I am in tune with Him, I am who He wants me to be.  When I'm not, I'm just a ridiculous human being.  I can put it to the test.

I think I can understand a portion of what He sees and how He works when I connect with His love.  I think as I become more like Him, I will see others with only more compassion and tremendous love.  I will love everyone the same regardless of what they look like, what they do or how they think.  I'm far from this, but I want to strive for that because I want to be just like Him.   And why do I want to do this?  Because I love Him and trust in Him.

This guy and I talked to for a couple hours.  When we were about to depart he said, "If your religion does what you say it does, helps you love others more, then I guess I have no argument for it."  He said he appreciated our interaction and would like to even by my friend.  I felt like I stood as a decent witness for God and helped him feel what God feels for him.  And sometimes that is the only interaction some people will have with Him.  And I am honored to be able to stand in His place. I think this is what makes a good servant.  And I hope I can do this more often, even when it is difficult.

The Big Coordinator

There was a talk given during General Conference that I jotted down some notes as I listened to it.  The question the speaker asked was, "How have I intervened in others lives and how have others come into my life?"  I wrote down a few lists.  The lists included all of the people who have come into my life because I needed their help and the people that entered into my life in order for me to help.  I thought about how they came into my life and the delicate timing of it all.  As I made the lists, I also noticed the times when myself and another person benefitted at the same time and needed each other at the same time.  How unique these opportunities have been.

I was amazed to see how careful the Lord is in his coordinating efforts and timing.  He is the ultimate event planner.  I can look back and see how people were placed into my life at a certain point so that they could assist me later down the road when I needed their help.  For example, when I lived in Arizona I always felt a desire to create a very strong support network of women.  When I was in quite a quandary, I was able to call upon these women to strengthen me.  I still look back at the experiences I had with these women as some of the most powerful and healing times in my life.   I was carried through a very difficult time.  And I can look back and see the Lord preparing for this so I would be cared for appropriately.

When I moved to Utah, miraculously I was able to connect with quite a few women who were going through divorce just like me within a month of first moving.  Some had experienced infidelity as well and were struggling with how to be a single parent.  I was able to turn to them so many times when I felt lost and hopeless.  I relied on these women so much and their relationships served an important part in my healing and growth.  I know this was no coincidence.

I know the Lord is in the details of my life, especially if I allow Him to be in them.  I can see how I've always had my needs met by Him.  I have always been cared for because of His great love for me.  When I was at a fireside I scribbled a thought down as the speaker discussed the power of the Spirit.  I wrote, "The Light of Christ ensures coordination of tasks that will bring the series of events necessary in bringing forth the most joy possible for human beings."  This gives me peace as there are so many unknowns in my life right now.

Tender Mercies

It's late.  I was suppose to go to sleep early.  I want to know what it feels like to get 8 hours of sleep.  Today was a great day.  There were a lot of things I noticed today that I was so grateful for.  Some of them were:

-Dancing with Alivia to beautiful music.  She is my little shadow and I am so happy she was sent to me from Heavenly Father.  I'm learning so much from her.  I don't want to ever let her down.

-Making peanut butter cookies with my boys.  Alex is an amazing person.  He is getting to be so helpful.  He has the biggest brown eyes I have ever seen.  I like to just look at him and learn about him. I can tell there is so much to him.  I love being able to appreciate my children for the people they are.  I believe children know so much more than adults.  I want my children to see that I see them and notice what is in their hearts. I am careful not to squash their power, courage and wisdom.  I learn so much from my kids just being mindful that their hearts are still so pure and they are so much closer to heaven than I am.  They are unconditional in their openness and I am always so impressed with their ability to love without fear.  I love to grab my little Camden and just hug and kiss him as much as I can.  I can feel something so innocent and powerful within him and all my children.  If I am too rushed, I cannot see it or feel it.  I look at my children almost as magical beings.  And I am grateful to them for sharing their magic with me.

-One of my friend's bore her testimony today to me while we were talking on the phone.  I love to connect deeply with others.  Her testimony made me cry.  She and I have been through similar things and I love it that I can receive hope from others' testimonies.

-I had a wonderful, long nap.

-Church:  The lesson taught me that my testimony and knowledge of the Savior needs to be firmly planted.  The adversary can make me even doubt what I know right now or what has happened in my life. I know that is real because I have met so many people who have had a strong faith and completely lost it.  I thought about the miracles that people became hardened to and I realized that my knowledge and faith in the Gospel and in Jesus Christ would not change at all if an angel came down to me and told me everything was true. Why? Because I already know.  I was surprised to be able to see it that way and it helped me know I have been blessed to have tremendous faith.  I know God lives. I know Christ lives.  And I know this is His Gospel.  And nothing could make me know it more.  It is already so alive in me.

-An old friend form Louisiana called me up this morning and I was able to go visit with her for a couple hours.  It was great to see her.  It is wonderful to see friends that are doing well and to see them happy.


-Consultants: I have a ton of consultants.  For instance I received a really long email from a guy that I have been getting to know.  He wants to be exclusive.  I think for where the relationship is( I've known him for just a couple weeks) the request is sort of weird and worrisome.  I am able to talk with quite a few consultants (friends) and really work my thoughts and feelings out so I can have more clarity on how to move forward.  They are all like, "RUN!"

Light!!!!

This song is called Light.  I love the images this song creates in my mind of renewal, rebirth, second chances, heaven and anything else where light is seen.  Here it be!  Fast forward it to 1:45 because that is where the song starts.  This man is genius.

The power of music

I went to a concert Saturday night.  The band is called Book on Tape Worm. I waited over a year to listen to this group's first album.  I was so excited to listen to them.  I know what I heard a over a year ago was something very special.  This man's voice brings me chills.  The words are perfect.   The piano and the cello are two of my favorite instruments and they are in every song.  So all I can say is this music was made just for me.  I feel so happy when I listen to it.

Here are the words.  I feel them.  I am grateful for people who know how to put feelings into perfect words that I have experienced recently.  It helps me to move through my pain.

In a forest of blanket trees I met you among the leaves with shadow puppets chasing me.  You said, "they're just hands, look, you see?"  and we spoke mostly through cans and strings-is it any wonder we don't understand anything?

What I didn't say is, "I let go of you and watched you float away like a handful of balloons." I saw your face in a nimbus cloud, you were crying rain and thinning out and writing lightning messages.  In the sky's margins you wrote presages.  You tapped your foot so rapidly, it's morse code for me to leave. So I suppose I'll go and we'll see if its'm me back to you or you back to me.  Then to my dismay, I let go of you and watched you float away like a handful of balloons.