Living beliefs put into practice=Testimony

I was asked by my sister to write my testimony to share with my nephews and niece in a compilation of other family testimonies. I know when we share our testimonies, heartfelt beliefs that provide life, we are all strengthened. 



Isa, Isaac and Simon,

It's sometimes hard to put into words the feelings that describe my beliefs that have transformed my life as a result of being a member of the church. I'll try anyways...

The Gospel of Jesus Christ has been a formula that has worked miracles in my life that I know would not have transpired if I was trying to do life all on my own. Because of my knowledge and belief in Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father, I understand with complete confidence that I'm on a beautiful journey to grow and gain what is best for me, step by step.  The Gospel is not a vending machine I've learned where I can ask for things and assume the Lord will snap his fingers and make everything or myself perfect.  The Lord would cheat us of the fertile ground that could potentially produce a richness and complexity that is divine if He gave us everything we think we need.  When I have asked God for things, in wisdom, He has provided the outlet for me to plug into so that I develop, gain qualities, states of mind and wisdom necessary to keep on enduring.  He lets me do the work. I'm the one that must clock in and put the effort in.  I must show up.  Depending on how tall the order I request, aligning with God, He will provide the chore chart to mark my course. I want a lot of things. Good things. Above all, as I have strived to do HIs will, what I want most is a unhindered, indestructible relationship with God. I want a deep peace in my heart that trumps all circumstance so that I can love and grow despite what comes at me.  I'm asking for a lot, I know.  So He has ordered a set of tests that will push me and challenge me to bring me closer to these true desires of my heart. Each day is a new series of tests. What test he administers are perfect in size. Learning this has helps me to trust in His timing, His chastisement, His selection of trials sent forth in my life that He cannot always quickly save me from.  If this proving ground were to stop completely, I would become stagnant.  I would fail to continue to understand who He really is...perfect love.  He reveals Himself the most amidst my struggles and weaknesses.  I consider most my enduring trials as compliment from the Most High because that way I know He is still fully investing in me. Of course I may at times complain but I am understanding slowly that His vision of me extends far beyond the dimensions I have set up for myself.  He stands ready to reveal Himself to me within painful circumstance.  I know I can lean on Him because I have leaned on him extensively for days and days. I know just how far He allows me to go before I can reach out for His shoulder and place all my weight on Him.  This confidence in my Creator is the most precious thing in my life. And that is my testimony.  He lives. He loves. He transforms us so we can experience real love, true joy and peace. And that's the stuff worth fighting for :)

The Most Most Precious Gift of All

I felt the Connection that links and binds me to every human being yesterday, that can move quickly through me like a jolt of electricity, pleasantly surprising me and filling me with gratitude and joy. Where I look on into a traffic jam and feel an immediate kinship with every person on the road. Although I don’t know the people sitting next to me, I know whose they are. I know how God feels about them. I understand the grand plan that leaves a space for everyone who has ever taken a breath. Every single person will be accounted for.

I imagine God has a place for everyone just like a mother who sets a plate for every child at the dinner table. And if even one is missing, it is not the same. I know when I see humankind in this intimate perspective, God’s love has been activated in my heart.

I was checking out at a grocery store and there was a single dad with 2 children in line before me. The cashier could not find a price for an item. I could tell this single father was worried about making the people behind him wait. After a few minutes more of waiting, he turned to me and said, “I’m sorry”. I told him that it’s no big deal and to not worry. While I waited, I noticed each of his children. The same innocence and vulnerability I see in my own children’s eyes, I saw in their’s. A father just doing regular things on a regular day trying his best to take care of his family. A father similarly worrying about his young daughters and son’s needs, the future, the burdens of life just like me and so many of us. I have never seen this family before and probably will never see them again, but in noticing them and searching their eyes, it reinforced and strengthened my love for the beautiful human family and even more for the great God that watches over us and created us.

I am grateful for the perspective God extends to me in these regular moments to teach me that I’m not alone and that I am in fact a part of a very big family. I have brothers and sisters for which I don’t know their names, but that I am just as much a part of as my family that gathers for the holidays. To feel this love heal the blinding disconnection I feel from time to time, especially during upheaval, gives me strength to love my fellow human beings and my God even more. To have a small inkling into the hearts and minds of human beings prepares me for the moments when it may not be so easy to relate or love. Or when I fail to see the similarity in others more than our shared commonality. And it prepares me to be willing to do whatever it takes to care and lend a hand. I know I’ll have to lean on these sort of similar joining experiences during difficult times when people may do things that are confusing to me or when there is division in perspective or purpose.

So…please, today will you encourage the frenzied customer ahead of you in the check out line, especially when you are in a hurry. Or pause long enough to try and find the humanness, the heart and soul inside the people all around you. Please be careful and mindful of the judgements you hold onto about others. Reconsider those judgments always so your mind doesn’t grow dull and numb. If our judgements serve only to separate or to place others in contempt, then please address them. We all stand to lose so much as a result of this costly pastime. We are not always wise enough to perceive others with clarity. And please, when in doubt, consider the feelings of others like you would your own. I often heard one of my friends repeat this phrase when facing difficult situations, “Kindness is never wasted”. I hope we can learn to splurge when it comes to spending our most precious resources of consideration, understanding and genuine kindness on each other. And especially during this time of year when we are all feeling a little spendy because in fact Charity is the greatest gift of all. (1Nephi 15:36) (1 Corinthians 13).
Moroni 7:
46 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail–
47 But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.

Factory of Love

God extends to me day by day, minute by minute, life. I will wake up tommorow because that’s what He feels is right for me. Why? I must be here for some important reason. If God deems it a good enough reason, than what better reason to justify my pushing forward every day? It is He who gives me life, therefore it He that gives my life it’s highest value.

He is the perfect teacher. He pushes me where I need it most, and comforts and blesses me in certain dosages. He is gentle when I’m in need of His comfort.

I’ve been taught my whole life that there is a God who governs over all creation. And that His love is what has power to move things, truly change things that need to be changed. It’s His entire motive. Love heals the broken hearts, the hard hearts, blind hearts, the fearful ones. And then he fills the humble hearts with power to move mountains. The soft hearts to hear his soft whispering of eternal mysteries. The strong hearts to fight. The believing hearts to hope. The weak hearts to not faint. The forgiving hearts to soar. The doubting heart to finally trust, in Him.

All the inner workings of one heart require quite a bit. Our hearts must be reliable to manage our daily affairs. For example, it’s in my heart that the very delicate matters involving my children take place. With so many needs, my heart stands guard, ready to serve and to protect my children’s vulnerabilities.  When I’m tired, worn down, insecure…my capacity to juggle all their little needs becomes compromised. You see, I’m the guardian of my children’s hearts in similar ways God is to mine. And this is a family business of manufacturing love. And gratefully the heart is the mechanism that produces love. I hope I can stalk my pantry shelves with boxes of sturdy love, ready to feed the hungry.

God’s most powerful weapon is love. Why would God, who knows everything, main tactic be love? Does He know something we don’t know ?  He extends his mighty love to all who desire it. It’s free. There is no monopoly on his love. He lives to love us. I hope we can at some point accept that if we live to love Him, there can be no greater life.       

Renewable Energy

Sitting in church listening to a great lesson and wrote down some of my thoughts and feelings…

Increasing sabbath day observance can mine spiritual resources to replenish the body, mind and soul which sends an abundance of truth and light to the surface of our lives. Revitalizing reserves then can be drawn from throughout the rest of the week, providing true nourishment. It reprioritizes, inoculates worldly external focus that could easily leave hungry souls empty and wanting.

People are looking for a sense of meaning, self definition and purpose. Being alive is difficult. Life will challenge all of us at our most tightly held beliefs whether they are true or false. God sent us all to the earth to uncover who we really are. And the surest path to that end is coming to know who God really is, becoming acquainted with our Father, our Creator. This is quite the accomplishment to offer each living being an opportunity to know THE Truth. To finish this journey successfully, we must keep perspective. Our pure natures can be watered down and become reassembled to mirror satan’s biggest lies.  Lies only serve themselves.

There must be a sacrifice of all things worldly to find real Life.  When we have the blessing of losing all those things we imagined might make us whole and yet we are still standing, then we can finally, with determination, search for a new definition of self.  This is regeneration. Renewal redeems fallen souls to discover for themselves through our Creator’s eyes what is real and what In fact is just lies. 

Prayer

How many of us carry a belief in God, but are not quite sure what to do with it? Kinda like that really beautiful vase that sits in the closet, rarely utilized, being saved for the perfect occasion.  Too beautiful for the scraped up, out dated coffee table.

Many know that there is a God at an intellectual level, enjoying the view and thought of Him from a distance. It’s like sitting within the walls of a beautiful cathedral, examining the holy symbols with our eyes, without our hearts experiencing the magic.

Or reciting prayers of repetition, watching them climb to heaven like a balloon release, wondering if they will ever reach their hoped for destination. Worry filled thoughts that a bird might get a hold of your prayer balloon and pop it, and all your longings and wishes carried away with it.

Open up to Him and see what’s on the other side of your knocking.  He stands ready to answer the door. But you gotta knock on the dang door.  He’s waiting to answer. 

How Light Befriends the Dark

During Sacrament today,  I pondered the following thoughts and feelings.  It had been about a month since I had the cleansing presence of the Holy Ghost in my life. Life can move way too fast and I needed a pause button. I know if I don't slow down enough, the Spirit cannot catch me. The Sacrament for me is that, a meeting place to reconnect with God. As I tried to meditate on the words of the sacrament, thoughts of the Savior came to my mind. Remembrance of His perfect example, kindness, pure light entered my mind. How can a Being so perfect, full of so much goodness and light come to such a fallen Earth? How can there be such goodness where there is so much evil ? Like the anxiety that overcame me when my first born was taken outside the hospital for the first time into the real world, all of a sudden I became acutely aware of all the exhaust from every car on the interstate. I became overwhelmed with the elements my innocent, sweet, perfect baby boy was now suddenly exposed to driving down the street. How can such innocence like a new born baby come into such an evil and dangerous world? For what purpose? Don't some pristine and beautiful things seem to good to be true or out of place in a fallen world. How can both coexist?
Today, Christ swallowed up a portion of my disappointment and bitterness. He took up on himself today my limitations and sins. He embraced the dark corners of my soul. Although He is perfect light, it's his perfect love that shines through and redeems all fallen feelings, thoughts, and actions...all fallen Beings.
Darkness is never stronger than light. Please, come to Christ so you can bask in His light. That's why such good things exist alongside with such dark things. The light exists to help along the darkness. The darkness begs for relief and rescue. That's the whole purpose for the Savior's perfect life. He lives to rescue.
Like one of my favorite Christian thinkers wrote (Thomas Merton), "Our helplessness, even our moral misery, our spiritual, attracts to us the mercy of God."
I wish I could hold on to this piece of truth when I'm afraid to come to God in my weaknesses and sins. I wish I could send this bit of perspective to all people who I watch shame push them away from God's perfect grace.
"If we know how great is the love of Jesus for us we will never be afraid to go to Him in all of our poverty, all our weakness, all our spiritual wretchedness and infirmity. Indeed, when we understand the true nature of His love for us, we will prefer to come to Him poor and helpless. We will never be ashamed of our distress. Distresss is to our advantage when we have nothing to seek but mercy. We can be glad of our helplessness when we really believe that Hos power is made perfect in our infirmity. " Thomas Merton