I am writing this morning because I don't know what else I feel like accomplishing right now. And at least my 2 year old daughter can work on her main task for the day (hanging on my back) while I complete my task. It's Monday. A new day. I am appreciative of the endless possibilities a day like this can bring. However, I would like the growing pile of possibilities (and laundry) to just slow down for a minute so I can enjoy the ever dwindling present moment. I notice that my to do list is always in competition with my goal to try to enjoy my children and live in the moment list. Depending on which one is winning, I am either a mother of organized drawers and shelves but disorganized children. Or I am a mother of quality, spending time with my children, but a messy, disorganized house.
My tasks today (including both parts):
work out
read scriptures
pray
family home evening
repent
read with children
laundry, dishes, clean bathroom
be calm, positive
progress notes for my clients (I am a psychotherapist)
prepare for sessions I have tomorrow with my clients
phone calls to a bunch of miscellaneous people
go to sleep early
and who knows what else will come up today………
So many possibilities and only one, little measly, ole me. I have 3 children. They outnumber me 3:1. I am trying my best to be good to them and teach them and help them and love them and enjoy them and discipline them. I know that what I want for them will be a little harder to obtain because there is only me, myself and I. I don't want them to be at any disadvantage because they don't have the encouragement and attention of a two parent family. I spend a lot of my time trying to make up for this loss. I will get better. I believe it. My daughter was only 2 weeks old when I had to leave my home and husband. These last 2 years I have been in a more reactionary state. Now that my kids are getting a little older, I have a little more space in my mind to consider different options and approach my choices with my children more mindfully.
Part of my purpose of writing this blog is to have a place to report to, a place to hold myself accountable for my choices, a place to be honest with who I am and who I want to become. I love that each day only last 24 hours. I get 24 hours to give my best stab at life. If after 24 hours I fall flat on my face and make huge mistakes, I can try and start over again the next day. I love that I have been given innumerable chances to improve, change and grow. I really do believe practice makes perfect. And I need a ton of practice. And I want to document my practice and see what happens. Good luck to me!
Here is an article I just read that I loved so much. It put the idea of "perfection" into perfect perspective for me. That is sort of important because of my imperfect nature and all my lists do that stretch on and on. http://magazine.byu.edu/?act=view&a=2968
