For example: After my divorce, I assumed I would probably be married by now. If it was completely up to me, I would have already chosen a lovely man, married and settled down. Luckily, God has chosen not to answer that prayer for me, yet. For whatever purpose, He has kept me just where I am. I am learning that God is primarily interested in my growth. I know that if He would have magically given me a spouse (or whatever else that I think I need in order to be happy) instead of allowing me to grow in my current situation, I would be at a very different place than where I gratefully am. I don't understand His foresight and exact plans, but I do know He loves with perfect precision. His eye is always on the target. That target being how to teach me how to have a fullness of joy in Him! Joyce goes on to say:
"You can change, I can change. We are always wanting God to change our circumstances. But the thing is is that God is much more interested in changing us, than our circumstances. Because when we change, the more we become like Christ, the more of the holy Spirit we walk in the less we are concerned about our circumstances. Then and only then the devil will go and bother someone he can upset. " She adds, "If we are indeed filled with God's power, no matter what is going on around us, we can be lifted above it."
I have logically understood for much of my life how important this concept of enduring well regardless of what is going on around me. I looked at it mostly as a way to just show gratitude and not complain. I almost heard it as a, "Just put a smile on your face and bear it" type of charge. I'm learning a lot more about exactly what it is about this eternal principle that is so critical and how it can change me. I believe it accurately labels the process by which our character and desires can finally be changed. If I can feel the peace of the Savior in my heart and maintain a level of confidence in who He is while life or people shift and change, then I know nothing can destroy me. This is where I believe the real work of changing souls happens. I believe how I let my misfortunes impact me is a measure of how close I am to my Heavenly Father, the trust I have in Him and where my heart is.
Before being a single mother, I had very little practice in maintaining this position of peace when storms raged around me for such long intervals of time because my life has always been pretty simple. I'm recognizing more and more the good that has come for my own benefit in God not answering certain prayers. What this teaches me is to trust in Him completely. I have so much gratitude for being able to see my trials this way because I have not always held this perspective. And of course I have my days sometimes when I forget. However, because He has allowed my circumstances not to change, I have changed. I can feel it. Although the costs have been high as far as loss, disappointment, pain, hurt and loneliness; I know my capacity to feel joy has multiplied.
Some of the payoffs I've experienced as a result of God's certain love and His insistence on believing in Him, even when life doesn't change the way I want it to are:
*I go to Him a lot more than I use to. When I have to deal with a difficult person or when difficult feelings surround me, I know this is God's terrain. This is what He is best at helping us deal with. He is the expert. If it is to help me forgive or to help me find peace and direction, this is His department. He specializes in changing us so these experiences can make us more loving.
*An increase in compassion for others and their trials. As I listen to people express their pain, I am better suited to sit with them in their pain and offer hope. I have a greater desire to relieve the suffering I see around me more than ever before. The Lord has sat with me through many difficult moments. His abundance of love in my difficult moments have placed a greater desire to do the same for others. I know better how to grieve with those that grieve because He has taught me how. And when we can grieve with those that grieve and try to comfort those who are in need of comfort, there is a closeness and a bond that is difficult to break. I have found a reservoir of healing and joy in this task.
*The more time that goes on, I am noticing the durability of my relationship with the Lord. The bond I have with my Lord as a result of Him suffering beside me and lifting my burdens has created a level of closeness and intimacy with Him I would not have had otherwise. Since I do not have the natural support that can only come from a spouse, I have had to rely completely on Him many times. I would not replace this degree of closeness for anything else. I know Him. He sits beside me, always. I feel Him in ways I have never before felt Him before. I recognize Him in ways I never seemed to notice before.
An experience that stands out which illustrates the increase in joy in my life is being brought to my knees on numerous occasions by a feeling of overwhelming love and joy as I communicate with my God through prayer. The feelings are so powerful. The bond between my Heavenly Father and I is so deep. I cannot live without His companionship. It is the most important relationship in my life.
*He has taken so many weak and unfortunate things in me and made them stronger. My qualities, though far from perfect, have been shaped and bent and broken to reappear in ways that are more like Him. He has helped me become more of who I truly am because He has helped me become more like Him. I feel most like myself when I am working with Him. And because of the closeness I feel with God, I am much more willing to submit a ton of things to Him. I know His character. This process has been laborious, but necessary.
*I have been able to visibly see God's power work in my life and would find it impossible to deny the truthfulness that God lives. This brings comfort and reassurance to me. I can more so maintain an attitude of faith in Him because of His handiwork in my life. I am much more apt to trust in God than in mankind. People are imperfect. If I am ever feeling off or lost, I just have to realign with God and I can see so many things before me accurately.
*My sense of what is truly valuable and worth my time versus what is not has been more clearly defined. I can base my sense of self more readily on how God sees me as opposed to how others see me. As I have made God my center, He has reordered my life. I'm much more interested in putting time into the things that really matter.
I would like to conclude one last statement made by this woman of God. She said, "I pray that God doesn't give you the things that you want until you know that your confidence is not in them, your security is not in them, your joy is not in them. You gotta get grounded in God first and then you can have anything that God wants you to have."
I am learning to be content in God. I am learning to find my joy in Him. I am learning to let go of things in Him. I am learning to trust in Him. I am learning how to love better in Him. And in return He has given me His happiness, rest and peace. I feel like now I can finally with honesty look at all my enemies (trials) and say "thank you" for everything they have put me through because what I have received in return is of eternal significance and I am finally seeing how it has been all for my good.
Doctrine & Covenants 98:3 Therefore, he giveth this promise unto you, with an immutable covenant that they shall be fulfilled; and all things wherewith you have been a afflicted shall work together for your b good, and to my name’s glory, saith the Lord.
Romans 5:3 And not only so, but we glory in a tribulations also: knowing that b tribulation workethc patience;
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